Naming

I think C started calling me “Mimi” today. We have been referring to ourselves as “Sarah” and “John” with him just because the first few times he visited the court hearing had not happened and so much still seemed up in the air. Now it just seems weirdly formal. He has never said “Sarah” (hard to say) but he calls John, variously, “On,” “Non,” or, “Bon,” which is incredibly cute, but also a little odd if we are referring to him as our son, which we are. Still, it feels a little strange to specifically teach him to call us “Mommy” and “Daddy,” in case he were to be reunited with his birth parents.

Some things I’ve read have said that calling yourself “Mommy” is just like giving yourself a household title. You are providing the Mommy-care in that house. It doesn’t have to be only linked to adoption or giving birth or whatever. I guess that makes sense. John and I talked about it a little bit tonight and I think we decided to just start referring to ourselves as Mommy and Daddy now. We won’t correct him, obviously, if he uses our names, but we want him to know it’s okay for us to be Mom and Dad. Also, I’d really prefer to nip the “Mimi” habit in the bud so as not to offend the original Mimi, and also to keep that name just for her so we can talk about her with him. (Still, I won’t correct him for it…)

As a side note, you’ll notice I am writing this at 7:58 PM and I mentioned that John and I had already had an actual conversation that wasn’t just, “I need to switch places with you before he drives me crazy,” or, “This kid. I am so tired.” Yes, he actually fell asleep in under an hour tonight, thanks to John’s fine handiwork. He is a stubborn little dude, but we seem to be figuring out strategies. Maybe. We will see what happens tomorrow.

Best entertainment around…

Big sister + hula hoop = primal screams of joy from C

E is relishing her big sister role in moments like these.

S.O.S.

Sleep help needed, ASAP. All suggestions welcome. We do not have time or the will to sit in the dark in C’s room for 2 hours every night while he sings “E-I-E-I-O!” at random after being halfway asleep. Debating the purchase of a crib. Is it just one more transition for him? Would it help? Hinder? Do we need to just leave him in the toddler bed and gate the door so he can’t get out of the room (and if he screams, do we leave him, as we would have E, even with his history)? Do we need to go back to standing in the hall and coming in and putting him in bed when he gets out? Our being in the room (not looking at him, just sitting by the bed to put him back in) seemed to help at first and now seems to keep him awake. He was so sleepy and sweet at bedtime tonight, and after last night’s moderate success (*only* 1.5 hours to fall asleep!) I thought we were golden. But, no.

I’m sure the week back at Mimi’s house will just undo anything we accomplish this week anyway, so I’m not sure why we’re even bothering to try any training right now.

Christmas bonanza

I was all proud of myself this morning. In between turns at kid wrangling, I managed to (sort of) pick up the playroom (some things just got shoved in the guest room or stuffed onto a high shelf), put some toys in a box to rotate into the pile later, and fit all the new Christmas toys on the shelves. Then I remembered that my parents are bringing about 10 more presents for C that we got from family while we were home for Christmas. I just can’t stop the eventual toy takeover of my house, I guess.

We had a lot of fun yesterday opening presents. C had a ton of gifts to open and lost interest pretty quickly, but John sat with him and powered through the pile while E and I played with some of the new toys. C also came to us with a big box of gifts from the state that he had already opened at Mimi’s house—a huge pile of toys and a nice bag embroidered with his name that was stuffed full of new clothes. Pretty much all of the toys make noise in some form or other, so thank you SO much, State, for that. But they are, on the whole, very cool. I’ve decided that buying all the clothes and toys would be a really fun job.

Workaround

Tonight at dinner E and C both had pizza, mango, and green beans. E, as usual, scarfed it all up. Before dinner both kids had eaten 4-5 pieces of tukery pepperoni and kept asking for more, so I was hopeful the pizza would be a hit with C, since I kept it simple and just did sauce, pepperoni, and cheese. Well, he ate one bite of it, then lunged for his milk and just started guzzling. John took that away (gently) and told him he had to eat more food to have more milk. The rest of the meal was spent cajoling him to eat. He did end up eating a significant amount of pizza (with prodding and milk bribes and, eventually, clapping every time he took a bite).

But then we pushed our luck and told him he had to eat one bite of either mango or green bean. There was a lot of head shaking. Then I told E she should eat a bean and we’d go crazy so he could see what we’d do if he ate one. She did, we cheered, and he LOVED that. When I said, “Now you try it,” he clapped and cheered. Ha! Not quite what I meant, though. Eventually he put a piece of mango in his mouth and we went absolutely nuts (E included). He chewed it twice, put another piece in, and we went absolutely nuts again. Then he spit the two pieces out on the table, looked at us all with a mischievous grin, and put both pieces back in his mouth. We clapped a little, he laughed, and then he spit the pieces out again. He tried one more time, we said, “Good! Now eat them!” He spit them out and then said, “All done,” and pulled his bib off. Nice workaround of the eating to get the praise, buddy. What a smart and sneaky little guy. I am still thrilled that he at least tried it!

Fosterwee post on permanency

Fosterwee post on permanency

The descriptions of the foster care system by the folks at Fosterwee make me twitchy and sad. I fear for our future. I also admire these folks greatly for all they are doing for their foster child (“Blitzen”).

Transitioning

I got a call today from a woman at the disability support organization who currently coordinates C’s special services. She wants to talk with me about transitioning his services to our area. I hope to talk with her more tomorrow or Friday. I’m glad the ball is rolling here. I was fearing they wouldn’t get started with this until after Jan. 13 and then we would have a long break in services for C.

In other news, the reason I’ll be able to call her tomorrow is that I will be home, because E threw up in spectacular fashion on the sidewalk outside the food co-op this afternoon. Lovely. My stomach is turning just thinking about it. A sweet woman helped me by giving me a pack of paper towels she had just bought and then running back in to get some plastic bags for me to take in the car in case she got sick again (she didn’t). She said, “Merry Christmas!” as she wheeled her cart to her car, which made me laugh. Poor E.

More PT help

John spent a while after work talking about C and his needs with a coworker who is a former physical therapist. She did work at Easter Seals for a while and had a lot of great ideas. Such a great resource! She is going to find a few books for us to look at. One play therapy idea she suggested is to use one of these bouncy horse things, to get him to practice flexing his feet and also to strengthen his core. Guess what will be waiting under the tree for C at Christmas? We can all get on board with a bouncy horse!

Informal IFSP meeting

I had a great meeting with our special ed director at school today to go over C’s IFSP (like an IEP–Individualized Learning Plan–but for ages 0-3). I made her two copies of it and she is going to share one copy with the OT at school so she can give me some ideas of things to do with C at home while we wait for his services to start on our end. I am grateful for these folks to take the time to do this! It will be part of their job as soon as C is here, but getting the jump on it now feels good. Technically, we are already behind in his transition planning for entering school because that is supposed to start when he turned 2.5. But since he is transitioning towns/school districts in the middle of that time, it puts everyone a little behind. The SPED director was glad to have a heads-up on his needs.

The SPED was also able to give me a little more insight into what his development may look like, as her brother-in-law has CP. I am not sure of the severity of his case and how it compares to C’s, but it was good to hear some of her own experience. She gave me some more things to look for/ask for from his neuromotor/IFSP team in terms of equipment that might be helpful too.

Leaving again

We dropped off C at Mimi’s tonight. I remembered to prep him ahead of time, telling him before his nap that we would be going back to Mimi’s after naptime. I think that helped quite a bit. We kept mentioning it throughout the afternoon as we prepared to drive and on the way down. He got really grumpy in the car and I started to worry about another disastrous drop-off, but either he was just eager to get there or tired of being in the car, because when we arrived he was perfectly happy to be back at her place. He scooted around getting out all his toys, goofing off, and smiling at everyone. He said goodbye to us and we gave him kisses and he gave E a little head-bump hug. It was very sweet.

We talked with Mimi about the plan for the next visit, which will be from December 26-January 5. She seemed to be in a good place with it. She said she’s been packing up his clothes that are too big so we can take them with us next time, and getting together some photos of his time with her, so it seems like she’s starting to prepare herself a little.

The house feels a little empty. The car ride home was tough, but not as bad as last time. I feel better leaving him when he’s at least happy. E had a little trouble settling down to sleep. She cried a few times, saying her lip hurt and that she had a bad dream about bears (despite not having actually slept). It’s hard. When C is here, not only does she have someone in her room, but we also were hanging around upstairs to put him back in bed about 6, 598 times every night. There are a lot of adjustments to make, for all of us. John said tonight, “I think we might be crazy.” Probably. But also lucky.